i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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