dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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