my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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