ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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