from now on my penis is your penis
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Randomize
