i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
