Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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