it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
