He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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