Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
