i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
