I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
