The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
