tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
