Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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