That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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