ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
