I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
