new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
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