you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
