I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
