But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Randomize
