I cannot find my penis.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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