my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Too much gin, very little bucket
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
