he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
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