im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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