I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
