I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
