Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
farters have to be the big spoon...
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
is this the sara with the beer cane?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
