It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
