we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
