Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
