I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
