I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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