That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
