So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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