you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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