hotel room ftw
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
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