just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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