I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
