u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
