just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
