im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
These tits shall not be calmed
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
