you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
