So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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