$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
