remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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