Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
