1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
