I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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