I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
