I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Randomize
