evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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