FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Sober January is a disaster.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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