I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
