Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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