I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
