You're earring is so big in my mouth
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
