I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
