M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
