jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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