I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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