I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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