Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Randomize
