All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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