but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
