I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
