I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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