Pants 0. Shit 1.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
This is my gift to your gina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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