I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
