Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
