ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
