I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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