he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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